quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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