Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
