Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
