I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
