The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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