i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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