You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
