i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
