The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
