the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
