dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize