I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
