I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
