I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
