Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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