when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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