he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
