Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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