well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
