you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
