you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
