Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
