i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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