Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
