bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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