were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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