anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
