Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
