Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
