god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
