Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
