just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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