Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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