Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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