new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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