how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
