i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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