I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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