Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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