I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was born a porn star she said
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
