Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
