Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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