am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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