Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
