There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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