It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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