I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
