there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
