it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
