I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
