drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
someone owes me an orgasm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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