i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
