she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
