If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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