How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
