The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come on in and take your pants off
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