if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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