I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize