Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
