Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
