I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I look excited, but its just a facade.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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