I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
