I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
