Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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